Car Accident (funny)

A man was trying out of a parking lot when he bounced the bumper of a car parked in front of him. This was witnessed by a small group of pedestrians waiting for the bus. The driver got out and inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windscreen of the car he hit.

The note said: "Hello sir / madam, whichever the case may be. I have just hit your car and there are some people watching me and they think that I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and address. But I am not."


Who Is Younger

At a recent class, a member of the class mentioned he has two children. The facilitator asked, "How old are they?"

"Eleven and nine." The facilitator asked, "Two boys or two girls?" He replied, "One of each." "Which one is the younger?" "The nine-year old," was the reply.


Just for laughs! Thanks for reading. Hope I get to blog more in the future.

A Christmas Joke

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"


Just for laughs! Merry Christmas to all!

Media - jokes

On a political rally, Simon was arrested. Why???? A woman journalist was walking around with a badge that said "Press", so he did.

Old And Still Going Strong

My granduncle is eighty and still doesn't need glasses. He drinks straight out of the bottle.

Sign At A Barber's Salon

"We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business."

Sign In A Bar

"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Just for laughs! Hope you find this amusing.

Consider Politics - jokes

Raj bumped into one of his school's guidance counselors at a bookstore. "I can't seem to find a career that intrigues me, " he said to his former teacher. "What are your interests?" he asked. "I like to take things apart, " Raj said, "but I hate putting them back together." "Son," replied the adviser, "You ought to consider politics."

Speak Chinese

Selena, the teenage daughter of a friend of mine, was accepted to attend a highly prestigious school in England. She was understandably nervous, afraid that she couldn't live up to the lofty standards that would be expected of her.

"All these girls are so smart," she said to her father anxiously, as they toured the campus for the first time. He tried to reassure her that there was nothing to be worried about, but she still didn't buy it.

Later, she met some of the students. After the initial pleasantries, she revealed that she had lived in Vietnam for ten years. The girls were impressed.

"That is so awesome," said one. "Does that mean you can speak Chinese?"

How It Happened

John : Where were you born?

Sally : Kathmandu

John : Wow! How did that happen?

Sally : The usual way.

Just for laughs! Have fun reading!

Lawyer Jokes

A new client had just come to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" said the client. "Of course," the lawyer replied. "I charge RM200 to answer three questions."

"Well, that's kinda steep, isn't it?" "Yes, it is," said the lawyer. "And what's your third question?"

Doctor or Lawyer

A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, "How did it get into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?"

"Well, Dad," answered the son, "did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, "Is there a lawyer in the house?"

School Days Crush (joke)

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my class some 40-odd years before.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply-lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Garden school in Penang. "Yes. Yes, I did," He gleamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1959, Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, grey-haired, decrepit idiot asked, "What did you teach?"

Just for laughs! Enjoy!

Jokes On Relationship

Out Of Africa

Young son : Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa, a man does not know his wife until he marries her?

Dad : That happens in every country, son.

Wonder Why

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why?

Phuket Vacation

On our first day at a resort in Phuket, my wife and I went down to the beach. Later when I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I opened my cooler and was on my way back out when I stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"

"Sure," the maid replied. "Let me finish the rest of the rooms first!"

Just for laugh! Can't remember if I had posted the above before but is still funny when I read it again and again. Have a nice weekend to all.

More Funny Travellers Tales

In a Bangkok dry cleaners :

Drop your trousers here for best results.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant :

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office :

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Rhodes tailor shop :

Order your summer suit; because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a hotel in Athens :

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9 and 11 AM daily.

Just for laugh! Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri to all Muslim readers.

More Jokes To Share

Denominations

A caucasian woman went to the Malaysia Post Office with a stack of post-cards to send friends and relatives back home. "What denominations?" asked the postal clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, some are Baptist, a few Catholics and the rest atheists!"

Morning Call

One night at a 3-Star hotel, I ordered a 6 AM wake up call. The next morning I woke up before 6 AM but the phone did not ring until 6.30 AM.

"Good morning!" a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake up call."

Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call at 6 AM," I complained. "What if I have a million dollar deal to close this morning and your oversight made me miss out on it?"

"Well sir, " the desk clerk quickly replied. "If you had a million dollar deal to close, you wouldn't be staying in this hotel!"

Hotel Lobby

A salesman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a wayside hotel in the evening and because he was afraid that the kitchen might close soon, left his bags at the front desk and went immediately to the dining area to order something to eat.

After a satisfied meal, he went to the front desk to reclaim his luggage and take his room keys. But he forgot his room number and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Osmond. Can you please tell me what room I am in?"

"Sure!" replied the clerk. "You are at our lobby!"

Just for laughs! Enjoy and have a good laugh!

Travelling Jokes

Fly To Singapore

A lady telephoned the travel agent and asked how long it took to fly from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore. The clerk replied, "Just a minute."

"Thank You." said the lady as she hung up.

Round Trip Ticket

Traveller: I'd like a round trip ticket to Hawaii

Salesgirl : I'm sorry, all our tickets are rectangular!

Notice In A Tokyo Hotel

It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not read notis.

Notice In A Bucharest Hotel Lobby

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Just for laughs! Have a good day to all.

Do What the Big Boys Do (funny)

An old man, walking down the street saw a small boy sitting on the curb crying. He stopped and asked, "Little boy, why are you crying?" The little boy said, "I'm crying because I can't do what the big boys do." So the old man sat down alongside of him and cried too.

My Back Neighbor

One hot afternoon, my back neighbor was painting his gate wearing two jackets. I asked him why he was wearing two jackets on such a hot day. He said that the directions on the can read: For best results, put on two coats......!

Gas Cylinder

Note on top of gas cylinder: WARNING ON THE BOTTOM

So obviously, everyone will turn it upside down to read the warning which says: WARNING! DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!

Just for laughs! Have a great funny day to you.

Football Referee (funny)

During a football game, a woman kept shouting treats at the referee. No matter what happened on the field, she continuously yelled, "Kill the referee!"

This went on for an hour. Finally, another fan called out, "Hey lady! What's wrong with you! The referee hasn't done anything wrong!"

"Hey," she yelled back, "How would you know?" He's my husband, not yours!"

Learning English

Our new maid, a Chinese national, unable to speak any English and afraid of getting lost in a new environment, copied the words from the sign on the gate in front of our house, figuring that if she could show it to anyone, and they could tell her how to get home. She was lost for almost a day. The sign she copied read: "Beware Of Dog."

Final Notice

I am a very systematic and organised person. I make sure all my bills are paid promptly at the end of each month, so I was somewhat taken by surprise when I received a letter from an electrician that stated in bold letters, "Second and Final Notice!"

"I'm sorry," I said when I called him. "I never saw the first notice."

"I didn't send one," he told me. "I find second notices are much more effective."

Just for laughs! Enjoy!

Weighing Machine (joke)

Mike's wife stood on the weighing machine at the supermarket. She inserted some coins, and out popped a weight indicator card with a fortune-reading shown on the other side.

Picking up the card, Mike's wife read, "You are smart, beautiful and attractive and have a pleasing personality. On top of that, you are a great cook."

"Oh my gosh!" Mike moaned as he took the card from his wife. "Even the weight is wrong!"

Near Perfect

A woman is looking in the mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's almost perfect, darling!"

Successful

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Just for laugh!

School Scene (jokes)

Bandaged Arm

Little Hamid visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage the boy's arm.

"I think you'd better bandage the other arm, doctor!" said the boy.

"But why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it."

"You don't know my friends, doctor!" exclaimed Hamid.

First Day At School

Sue came home from her first day at school. Her mother asked, "Well, what did you learn today?" She replied, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

Absent

Teacher : You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Student : Not very much!

Just for laugh! Happy belated Teacher's Day to all teachers out there. In fact all mummy and daddy are teachers too. Have a great day to all.

Shopping Online (joke)

When shopping online, it's easy to forget that you may not be dealing with a large corporation.

I recently e-mailed a website asking why my purchase hadn't arrived a week after I'd paid for them.

Later the phone rang. "Sorry for the delay," said a teenager. "I'll check and get back to you. I can't get on my computer right now because my mother's vacuuming and this room has only one socket."

Dad Phones Son

Teenage son receives call on his mobile. "Hello, Russell? It's your father again. I have another question regarding my new computer. Can I tape a movie from cable TV, then fax it from my VCR to my CD-ROM, then e-mail it to my brother's mobile phone so he can make a copy on his neighbour's camcorder?"

Burned

Sonny emerged out of the study one afternoon and announced, "I just burned a CD...."

"What?!!" his mom exclaimed, simply horrified. "Why so careless?!!"

Loving E-mail

Dear Sam, How have you been? Your dad and I are fine. We miss you. Please sign off your computer and come downstairs for something to eat. Love, Mom.

Just for laughs. Enjoy and smile always.

Punished (funny)

Lum Lum came home from school and said to his mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this...By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

The little boy replied, "My homework."

Phone Number

Mei Mei's mother received a call from the teacher about her seven-year-old daughther misbehaving in class. Back home, Mei Mei and Mommy discussed the situation. In conclusion, she asked Mei Mei, "Do you understand what you did wrong?"

"Yes," Mei Mei replied, head hanging. "I made a mistake at school."

"And what was that?" Mommy asked, hoping to reinforce the point.

"I told the teacher our phone number."

Mother's Writing

Teacher : This homework looks like your mother's writing.

Pupil : Of course, Teacher! I used her pen.

Homework

One student to another: It takes me about two hours each night to do my homework - three if my dad helps me.

Just for laugh! Enjoy!

What's wrong with me

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's Wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looked her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there is nothing wrong with your eyesight..."

Don't Be Silly

Samuel goes to a psychiatrist. He says, "Everybody hates me!"

The psychiatrist answer, "Don't be silly. You haven't met everybody yet."

Tell Me Why

The psychiatrist at our local hospital received a postcard one morning from one of his patients. It read, "Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here so you could tell me why."

Just for laugh! Forget about all your worries and have a good laugh!

Here's To Higher Education (funny tale)

Suffering from a bad case of the "blahs," I went down to the adult-education centre to see what classes were offered. As I leafed through the brochure, I spotted one that sounded interesting.

"Are there any spaces left in the self-motivation class?" I asked the receptionist.

"Sorry," she said. "That course was cancelled. No one signed up for it."

I was looking for something to read in the prison library when I bumped into another inmate holding a book. It had the curious title "Robbing Banks".

"You found that book here?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, grinning. "In the self help section."

What A Coincidence

Having looked the other way for weeks, the boss finally called Smith into his office for a sit-down.

"You know, Smith," he said, "I've noticed that every time you have to take your dear old aunt to her doctor's appointments, there's a game over at the stadium."

"Wow, sir, I guess you're right," Smith answered. "I didn't realise it. You don't think she's faking it, do you?"

Just for laughs. Thanks for reading. Enjoy a good laugh.

Repair Shop

The repair shop sign read:

We do three kinds of jobs: CHEAP, QUICK & GOOD.

You can have any two;

A good quick job ... won't be cheap

A good job, cheap ... won't be quick

A cheap job, quick ... won't be good

Taxi Driver's First Day on the Job

Sam was in a taxicab on his way to the airport. He tapped the driver very lightly on the shoulder to ask him how long it would take to reach the airport.

The cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab.

Finally, the driver got control and pulled to the side of the road. With both of them still shaking , he turned to Sam and apologised. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years, I have driven a hearse."

For The Armpits

Lorna goes to the mini market to buy her boyfriend some toiletries. A clerk comes to help her, and asks if she needs assistance.

"I'm looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don't know what type he uses."

The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"

"No, " says Lorna, "It's for his armpits!"

Dining Out

To impress his date, Ramson took her to a very chic Italian restaurant in town. After sipping some fine wine he picked up the menu and ordered, "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.

"Sorry, Sir," said the waiter. " That's the manager!"

Mad Cow Disease

A man and his wife went to a 'SteakHouse' for dinner.

Waiter: What would you like to have?

Husband: I'll take a beef steak.

Waiter: Sir, what about the mad cow ......?

Husband: She will order for herself!

Thanks for reading and enjoy that good laugh!