Was Once Suicidal

Not exactly what you were thinking. No, I didn't cut my wrist nor run into a busy street and be knock down by a car nor jump from a tall building. One night I just wish that when I fall asleep I will never wake up again.

It happened many years ago when I was only a teen. Teens, oh yes, the most vulnerable period of time, where one can easily get upset and agitated. Maybe due to lack of life experiences.

I could still remembered that day clearly. I was having a severe asthma attack and had just visited the doctor. Not sure why but those days I was never given an inhaler, either it was not available in Malaysia then or it is very expensive. So I took pills and pills need time to work.

I was in bed, in my room trying to calm myself down and wait for the pills to help me breath normal again. I was no longer gasping for air but breathing was still difficult. I can't be happy, sad, excited etc so I stay calm and think of nothing but concentrate on my breathing. Grandma was by my side.

Then mom came home from work. We could hear her open the front door and as she walk passed my room, granny called out to her and told her that I had another asthma attack. She just said "Mmmm" and went straight to her room. No hugs or comfort words at all as if it was just another ordinary day and asthma was just another word.

That moment I felt the whole world came crushing down. By then granny had left the room. I cried myself to sleep. The more I cried the more difficult I breath and I felt like it is going to be my last breath and I try to make myself sleep and wish that I will never ever wake up again. Already lack father's love and now mom's too. Felt like I am nobody's child.

The next morning the minute I open my eyes, granny was by my side asking me if I feel any better and if I need anything. Suddenly I realize I still have granny who loved me very much. Oh how silly of me the night before. I had never told anyone about this till now.

As I grow older I realize that not that mom doesn't love us, just that she doesn't know how to show it. I always kept this tale in my head to remind myself that when I become a mom, I have to be more sensitive about stuffs like this.

So when my sons were young I would give them lots of hugs and kisses and to my surprises my mom gave my son hugs and kisses too when ever she is around them. Children can't read our mind if we don't show them how we feel.

Thanks for reading and hope you learn a thing or two from this tale. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses to your children. Happy parenting.

Bee Bite Me

Recently, my mom brought up this story about how my son was stung by bee, again. It happened when my eldest son was only one and half years old. He couldn't even make proper sentences but I had been surrounding him with books since very young. I remember how my mom used to think that I am crazy because to her a child should start to be around books when they enter school.

In order to make him sit on his potty during potty training, I showed him books after books of colorful pictures and tell him the name of that object in the picture, in a fun way. My mom used to disagree with me, introducing books to my son at such a young age. Well, if done in a fun way, I don't see any harm but instead benefit us all.

One fine day, my mom was staying with us then. Hubby and I were at work. Mom was busy in the kitchen cooking. My son was playing with his toys in the hall. Suddenly, she heard him shouted "Bee bite me! Bee bite me!" with his broken English and all. Mom ran out to see what actually happened. My son kept pointing at his tummy and said "Bee bite me! Bee bite me!"

My mom saw a red dot on his tummy but not sure if he was stung by a bee as she don't think he even know how a bee look like. Not taking chances, she took my son and ran to the nearest clinic. By the time it is my son's turn to see the doctor, half of his body was swollen. The doctor found the bee needle still on my son's stomach and confirmed he was stung by a bee.

Thank goodness he got medical attention immediately. My mom was so puzzled as to how my son could have known it was a bee. Once they reached home, my mom search around the hall for the dead bee and found it behind the curtain. She kept it and showed us when we came home from work.

My son still have that tiny scar on his tummy until today and once in a while when any of us sees the scar, this story will pop up and my mom would say "Clever Boy!" Well, guess those books and documents on t.v that I share with my son does pay off.
Glad to know after that incident, mom don't think that I am crazy anymore.

Thanks for visiting and hope you enjoy another of my mommy's tale.

Seafood Tom Yam (without heat)

This is not exactly tom yam, saw this on t.v and gave it a try. I used seafood like prawns, fish meat and fish cake. As for the soup I used tomatoes, lemon grass, lime leaves, lime juice and leeks. Also salt, sugar, fish sauce and pepper to taste.

The prawns head and shell are boiled into stock. Slice lemon grass, lime leaves and leeks and saute it in oil. Add in tomatoes, prawn stock, lime juice salt, sugar, pepper and fish sauce and bring to a boil. Lastly add in the seafood. And there you have it.

Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy this dish. It is meant for those who like tom yam without the heat.

Bonsai Child

I find more and more Malaysian are preventing their children from growing, mentally, like my Bonsai, for ever a small potted plant even though it look like an old aged tree. Maybe most have forgotten or didn't know that parents responsibility is to make sure their children grow up to be an able person, a good citizen, a person who could take care of oneself and an independent individual who can stand on his own two feet whether they are born normal or with disability.

Last month a new student of mine, aged 15 told me that he doesn't know his house address. Asked if he had just moved in , he said he had been staying there for about two years. I find this disturbing. When a 15 year old tells you he does not know his house address, it is not cute.

Then there are parents who are extremely afraid seeing their children get upset. The minute the child complains that the school teacher or a class-mate upsets him, parents would marched to school and asked for a change of class or school before even finding out more.

A relative of mine, two of his children weren't doing so good in school academically came and complain to me that the Malaysian school syllabus is terrible, more result orientated and most subjects are so tough etc but than how come every year so many of my other nieces,nephews and other Malaysians managed to score straight A's. He didn't realize that indirectly he is telling his children that when you don't get good grades in school it is totally the school and the government's fault, not theirs at all.

Just because their children are unhappy about certain things, it might not be entirely the fault of others. Just like a Chinese old saying "The mother hen should teach its chickens to avoid or deal with the hawk and not asked the hawk to stop attacking its chickens"

I wonder how long will these children stay this way. How long can a parent protect his / her children? 24 hours a day? 7 days a week? When will they be given a chance to grow up?

When my sons complains about something I would sit down and listen then I would suggest a few ways / things that he can do the next time when the same thing happens again but don't expect me to solve it for him. I always tell my sons that I can only act as an adviser but they have to face the music when things went wrong or doesn't go their way. These are important survival skills that, in my opinion, every child should learn.

Teaching my sons how to fall and then get up on their own is the most important lesson I could provide. Not hold their hands and make sure they never fall. Our children will someday grow up and be someone's spouse, parents, co-worker, manager, bosses etc. Since sooner or later he / she would need to grow up why not start now.

Just something that I find important to share with all. Thanks for reading and I hope you do not over-protected your child.