February 27, 2010

Taking Sides

I find most Chinese parents treat their children differently. When ever their children fight, the older children were asked to give in to their younger siblings. Wouldn't this indirectly turn the youngest into a spoil brat? Can you imagine how frustrated the the older children would be, always have to give in to their younger brothers and sisters. As a family don't you think we should teach all our children to respect each other as an individual.

No wonder I have so many Chinese friends who were not close to their brothers and sisters in their adult life. Guess the hatred grew with them. I don't think this is healthy. What is the point of parents having so many children and indirectly influence them to hate each other until the day they die. The Prime Minister is trying very hard to have all his citizens to live together in harmony and yet we could not even do that at home.

When I had my second son, I promised myself, I am not one of those parents. I make sure I am fare to both and always remind myself, never to take sides when they fight or argue. Since they were toddlers, I make known to them that when ever they fight, what ever they were fighting for, it will be confiscated and both will be grounded.

After a few times being punished this way, they got the message loud and clear. They will try to compromise before they start yelling at each other. As they grow, they learned to chat more with each other. They also learned that sharing means caring and it is always more fun to play with one another then to play alone. I always praise them whenever I see them playing together, laughing and having a good time.

Most parents could not foresee that their children behavior will carry on to their adult life. Think about how their children will behave in school, college his / her work life , their future. How their attitude will affect their lives in the future. When ever I come across a toddler yelling at the mall, or watch how a teenager rudely snap back at their grandparents etc I always look at their parents. I wonder what nonsense had they been feeding their children with.

Well parents out there, if you are still wondering why your children are so stubborn or rude or timid, partly it could be you. You might have indirectly contributed to his / her behavior. So it is time to go to the mirror and have a good look at yourself. Have you created a monster or a loving son or an adorable daughter. As for me, I know I have created a fun and loving family. Thanks for reading.


baili said...

that was nice ,i completely agree and i try to keep them feel that whoever is really responsible for fight will be punished no matter he is eldest or younger one ,but one thing that amazed me that even my first one is ten years older then his younger brothers they still fight like same aged ,lovely post and thanks for kind words on my blog take care

Redbonegirl97 said...

I let my boys duke it out. I usually have them tell me the problem and since there is three of them usually we have a tie breaker who sides with one of them and at that point i make a decision unless it is trivial and in those cases I let then argue till they come to a conclusion. As long as they aren't disturbing me I let them handle brotherly issues.


Aries said...

Thanks for visiting, that's a good tips too. Thanks for sharing.

nothingprofound said...

I think the youth culture in the US over the past 40 years has made parenting a pretty difficult job. Respect towards elders in general has really broken down and it makes for a very chaotic situation at home and in the schools.

"BUTTERY"fly said...

In my case, my eldest is five years older than my youngest. She would complain if her younger sister is acting so naughty. I teach her not to fight back, that she should act her age. Show her authority instead of hurting her back so she would respect you.

I totally agree with you... Their attitude is a reflection of how they were brought up by their parents.

Aries said...

Yes very true. It does reflect.

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