Bitter Or Sweet

Someone once told me that all toddlers and young children are adorable. Not all, I would say. I had seen parents who indirectly teach children to bully. I have seen small children snatch toys from others, push others around and their parents just stand there and grin like it is something they should be proud off. These are also the parents who complains that there are bullies at school and didn't realize they themselves are grooming their own children to be one soon.

Bullies weren't born to bully. Someone, somehow, along the the way, indirectly encourage them to bully. A mom once told me that her only daughter were very bossy at school, since kindergarden. She told me this, in front of her girl, and with a proud smile and laugh every now and then as she gives me the details of how her cute little girl boss others around. Indirectly she already encourages her girl to continue doing that.

I know this little girl since birth. I watch her mom slowly but surely transform the sweet little girl into a grumpy, bossy, and not to mentioned nasty little girl that not only other children dislike her, adults hate her too. Wonder why her mom can't see how horrible she turns out to be. If you take a look at her photo album, ninety per cent of the time she put up a grumpy face and hardly smile. She had that "I hate you" look in her eyes in almost all the photos.

I have also witnessed some children who snap at their grandparents, say nasty things and not a word from their own parents to discourage that. In fact they gave their children the approval smile. Oh my. Can't believe that there are parents who find it amusing watching their own children treat their own parents in such a way.

Why can't these folks turn their adorable babies into a sweet little girl or boy that everyone adores. I would prefer my children, even my pets, to be likable by all. Thanks for reading and happy parenting to you.

He Cares, Actually

When both my sons, which were three years apart, were younger, they used to fight and argue to just about anything under the sun. I was so worried that they might end up like some of my class-mates, who rarely talk to their siblings. I find it strange to know that I have friends who hardly knew their brothers and sisters. I and my sister, could not stop talking when ever we are around each other.

So when ever my sons fight, I told them I will not side anyone and both will be grounded. However, when ever I see them paying together, happily, I would praised them and encourage them to do it more often. Easier said than done, they fight more then playing happily together.

When my younger son entered kindergarden, my eldest son was already in primary school. That few years they were both busy with their own stuff and in separate school. When my younger son was ready for standard one, my elder son was already a junior prefect in school.

The first day of school, I asked my elder son to take good care of his younger brother at school and to show him around. That day after work I asked both of them how was school. To my surprise, my elder son said he introduced his brother to all his friends and the senior prefects in school. He even asked all his friends to take good care of his little brother.

Oh! That was touching! Didn't expect him to do that much. Looks like he really do care about his kid brother. Both my sons are in their teens now. They do chat and exchange views with each other but don't argue as much. They even share shirts and pants as they are now about the same body size. Hah! Reminds me of those days with my sister. We used to share clothes too until we both got married and stayed separate place.

Thanks for reading and hope you have a wonderful relationship with your siblings too, as family is extremely important!

Taboos

My mom used to tell me how grandma would asked her to go outside to play whenever they have visitors. In case their conversation leads to topics like sex or menopause etc arise, granny does not want mom to hear any of it. Those days stuffs like these are considered a taboo and should no mention in front of kids.

Mom said when she had her first menstruation, she was at school. She ran to the toilet, lock herself in and cried. Luckily her best friend noticed and ran after her to find out why. Mom thought she is going to bleed to dead soon. Her friend then explain to her that every girl goes through this.

After that incident, when my sister and I was about ten years of age, she sat us down and told us all about the birds and the bees, heh heh heh. My sister and I was giggling all the way and don't really understand the whole concept of the human reproduction cycle. Although I do not have any daughters but I still tell my sons about menstruation etc.

I remembered when we were younger, whenever we asked where we come from, my parents would tell us that they found me next to a dumpster and my sister broke out from a rock. Wonder what granny told mom those days. I doubt mom would dare to asked as granny was said to be fierce and children those days are not encourage to asked questions.

So how do you explain stuffs like these to your children? I always tell them the truth but normally would not give my sons too much details and tell them that they will learn about it in school as it is in their science book.

Embarrass or not every parents would have to go through this even as an uncle or aunt, your niece and nephew might pop these questions too Thanks for reading and have fun parenting.

Local Or Abroad

Not sure why but most Malaysian that I know, and most Asians too, think that it is very important that their children studies abroad. Even when their financial status does not permit so, they would still borrow to send their kids oversea. Is it really that great? Or is it because Malaysians rarely read and didn't know that most of the billionaires and well known person in the world are drop-outs. Some did not even complete high school.

My eldest son is in college now doing foundation and plan to take up business studies, locally. He said there are quite a lot of foreigners in his college. If Malaysia does not have so many great colleges and universities than how come so many foreigners choose to study here? Or is it just for the sake of "studying abroad".

There was this local documentaries about parenthood on t.v some time ago. They would go into lives of some of the Malaysian and interview them about parenting. I remembered there was this elderly couple. The t.v crew would follow them around for few days. This two couple had retired but are doing voluntary works for some charity bodies.

They too believe that it is important to let their children study abroad, widen their scope and get to see / learn more. They did send all their few children oversea and now all of them stayed oversea, some got married, some working abroad and only skype them when they are free. So everyday they lived like there is only two of them. Their children only comes back once every few years, some, none at all.

After watching the show I realize how lucky my in-laws and my mum is. Almost every Saturday all my sister and brother in-laws would meet up at my mother-in-laws place. We would chat, poke fun, tease each other like small children. Occasionally I would go visit my mum, and my sister and her whole family would be there, we would chat, have fun, enjoy each other's company. We celebrate mother's day and father's day without fail and every time when we eat out we need at least two huge tables to fit us all.

Isn't this the reason for getting married? Well, for me it definitely is. To have a family and enjoy the company of extended family too. When anyone of us need help, others are more than willing to chip in and help. These type of bonding between us are priceless. We watch all our children grow up together, we grow old together and get close too like how relatives are suppose to.

I have nothing against sending children to study abroad. If you can afford it, why not. Not all children end up not coming back, but I still think that as parents, the most valuable lesson that no school or university could teach is, the importance of having relatives. Do you know in Japan they have this "rent a relative" during festivals and dinners so that their neighbors and friends won't know that they are actually living alone when in fact they do have relatives and children. Not sure if they are still doing it now a days.

Thanks for reading. You can call me old fashion but I prefer to have my children and relatives around me, not 24-7, but at least often enough to live like a big happy family. At least someone to laugh with me when I am happy and cry with me when I am down.

My Amazing Son At Four

In Malaysia, we can choose either to send or not to send our children to kindergarden. I send both my sons to kindergarden at the age of four. I want them to learn social skill as soon as possible. Obviously my mom and mother-in-law thought I was crazy again. Both quite against the idea because I enter kindergarden at the aged of six and my hubby doesn't even had the chance to go.

I promised my mom and my in-laws that I could train my son to be independent and get him ready for school by four years old. So by the time he turns three, I trained him to go to the toilet himself, got rid of using potty, learned how to clean himself, eat and drink like an adult without any spilling etc.

Obviously all the above was thought in a fun manner without any stress and he too, thought of it as a game and did grow up, I mean became more matured then any other children his age. My intention was always for him to learn how to take care of himself when mummy and daddy is not around. We can't be around him 24/7.

Then came the day. His first day of kindergarden. I took him in, sat with him for a while and said goodbye. Most of the children in his class looked tense. Missed their mommy, I think. Everyone tried very hard not to cry but not my son. Suddenly, a child cried in the next room which somehow influenced most in his classmate to start crying too.

One by one they started crying and my son, asked the teacher to shut the door to their classroom because the crying child next door is making everyone in his class cried and it is very annoying. The teacher was stunned by my son's request and told me about this at the end of school. None of us expected him to speck up like this, not on a first day.

Weeks passed and every night I would asked him how was school, did he made any friends etc and he told me there was this Indian boy in his class who was double his size kept bullying his classmates. I told him not to get into any fights or argument, if he does bully him, go straight to the teacher and report the matter.

He assured me that the bully always leaves him alone and dare not bully him. When I hear stuffs like these makes me wonder if my son was the one bullying that huge Indian boy instead.

One fine day my son came and told me that the big bully in his school will not bully again. Got me even more worried. Had he taken matters into his own tiny hands? Oh my, almost drop to the ground. I remained calm and hear the rest of his story. "Today, the big bully's dad was at school to pick him up. As he was packing his stuff, I walk up to his dad and asked him if he knew his son was bullying other kids in school?"

I then asked what was the dad's reaction, he said a bit angry and said something in Tamil to the son. That day my son was so sure that he had saved most of his classmate from being bullied again, like a super hero saving mankind from evil. Oh my, this is way beyond what I had thought him. Anyway, the big bully didn't stop bullying but my son always teaches others how to avoid being bullied. Kept playing super hero again without him realizing.

These are the wonders of having children. Never failed to surprise us every now and then. I am not sure if he could still remember all these now that he is in his teens. At least I have one more exciting tale to tell my grandchildren about their dad in the future.

Hope you enjoy this amusing tale about my son as a toddler, an amazing toddler too. Happy parenting to you and I am sure your children surprises you as much.

Bee Bite Me

Recently, my mom brought up this story about how my son was stung by bee, again. It happened when my eldest son was only one and half years old. He couldn't even make proper sentences but I had been surrounding him with books since very young. I remember how my mom used to think that I am crazy because to her a child should start to be around books when they enter school.

In order to make him sit on his potty during potty training, I showed him books after books of colorful pictures and tell him the name of that object in the picture, in a fun way. My mom used to disagree with me, introducing books to my son at such a young age. Well, if done in a fun way, I don't see any harm but instead benefit us all.

One fine day, my mom was staying with us then. Hubby and I were at work. Mom was busy in the kitchen cooking. My son was playing with his toys in the hall. Suddenly, she heard him shouted "Bee bite me! Bee bite me!" with his broken English and all. Mom ran out to see what actually happened. My son kept pointing at his tummy and said "Bee bite me! Bee bite me!"

My mom saw a red dot on his tummy but not sure if he was stung by a bee as she don't think he even know how a bee look like. Not taking chances, she took my son and ran to the nearest clinic. By the time it is my son's turn to see the doctor, half of his body was swollen. The doctor found the bee needle still on my son's stomach and confirmed he was stung by a bee.

Thank goodness he got medical attention immediately. My mom was so puzzled as to how my son could have known it was a bee. Once they reached home, my mom search around the hall for the dead bee and found it behind the curtain. She kept it and showed us when we came home from work.

My son still have that tiny scar on his tummy until today and once in a while when any of us sees the scar, this story will pop up and my mom would say "Clever Boy!" Well, guess those books and documents on t.v that I share with my son does pay off.
Glad to know after that incident, mom don't think that I am crazy anymore.

Thanks for visiting and hope you enjoy another of my mommy's tale.

Bonsai Child

I find more and more Malaysian are preventing their children from growing, mentally, like my Bonsai, for ever a small potted plant even though it look like an old aged tree. Maybe most have forgotten or didn't know that parents responsibility is to make sure their children grow up to be an able person, a good citizen, a person who could take care of oneself and an independent individual who can stand on his own two feet whether they are born normal or with disability.

Last month a new student of mine, aged 15 told me that he doesn't know his house address. Asked if he had just moved in , he said he had been staying there for about two years. I find this disturbing. When a 15 year old tells you he does not know his house address, it is not cute.

Then there are parents who are extremely afraid seeing their children get upset. The minute the child complains that the school teacher or a class-mate upsets him, parents would marched to school and asked for a change of class or school before even finding out more.

A relative of mine, two of his children weren't doing so good in school academically came and complain to me that the Malaysian school syllabus is terrible, more result orientated and most subjects are so tough etc but than how come every year so many of my other nieces,nephews and other Malaysians managed to score straight A's. He didn't realize that indirectly he is telling his children that when you don't get good grades in school it is totally the school and the government's fault, not theirs at all.

Just because their children are unhappy about certain things, it might not be entirely the fault of others. Just like a Chinese old saying "The mother hen should teach its chickens to avoid or deal with the hawk and not asked the hawk to stop attacking its chickens"

I wonder how long will these children stay this way. How long can a parent protect his / her children? 24 hours a day? 7 days a week? When will they be given a chance to grow up?

When my sons complains about something I would sit down and listen then I would suggest a few ways / things that he can do the next time when the same thing happens again but don't expect me to solve it for him. I always tell my sons that I can only act as an adviser but they have to face the music when things went wrong or doesn't go their way. These are important survival skills that, in my opinion, every child should learn.

Teaching my sons how to fall and then get up on their own is the most important lesson I could provide. Not hold their hands and make sure they never fall. Our children will someday grow up and be someone's spouse, parents, co-worker, manager, bosses etc. Since sooner or later he / she would need to grow up why not start now.

Just something that I find important to share with all. Thanks for reading and I hope you do not over-protected your child.

What's Your Reason For Having Children

Someone once said that the more children he have the better, because in case one child didn't make it in the world and can't afford to take care of him, he still have others to rely on. Sounds like buying lotteries to me. The more you buy the higher your chance of winning.

That is his prediction of the future, but what about bringing them up, now, financially and fizically. Is he and his wife capable of doing it? There was this documentary about a Chinese couple in Malaysia, who have fifteen children all together. They kept getting pregnant until her body says other wise and end up with so many children. The man have the same thought too. The more the better.

They live in a small wooden hut and only the husband is working on odd jobs which doesn't pay much and most of the time they live on sweet potatoes and vegetables that they plant outside their house. The man said that his eldest daughter is in her teens and will be getting a job soon to support the family.

I find these rather disturbing. How could a dad asked his daughter to help bring up his children. Then when she grows up, she might fall in love, get married and need to take care of her own family too. Then what.

Yesterday one of my student told me that after form five, he will not be going to college because his mum asked him to find a job fast so that he can help bring up his three younger brother and sister. I wonder how many more family have such thinking too. He also mentioned that actually his parents decided to have him as an only child. By the time he reached ten years old, he wanted someone to play with and asked for brother and sister. His mum then gave birth to a boy and one year after that a pair of twin sister.

By telling him this story does it mean his parents have made it his fault that they have four children now and due to age factor they are retiring soon and the eldest have to support his siblings. Sounds pathetic to me.

Thanks for reading. I just want to get this of my chest. So, what's your story for having kids? Accidently, deliberately or just want to start a family and upgrade yourself to become a mum or dad, just like me.

My Baby No Longer A Baby

Felt like it was just yesterday that we bought our eldest son his first bicycle. He was only four then. Took him to the park almost every weekend to teach him how to cycle and now he is learning how to drive a car.

Felt like it was just recently that I took a photo of him in class, his first day in kindergarden and now we are scouting for colleges.

Felt like not long ago, I help him memorized his first opening speech for his kindergarden concert. He was only six years old and is already really proud that he was chosen to give that speech. Now he is a King's Scout (equivalent to Eagle Scout / Queen's Scout) and his school's scout troop leader where he have to give speech every now and then.

Remembered the day he chicken out on his first kindergarden concert, he was only four years of age. His teacher was so mad because everything went well during rehearsal and special costume was made for him. On that day itself, one look at the audience he chicken out and never made it on stage. Now, as he gets older, when ever he had a chance to perform in school, he would volunteer to dance and sometime even choreograph for his classmate.

Looks like he has changed or should I say, all grown up. No longer my adorable baby but has grown into a fine young teenager. Now into adulthood. Guess I, too, have to shift gear and up my level of parenting. Already start treating him like an adult. I would let him make some decision of his own and respect them.

Guess that's the wonders of parenting. We not only watch our children grow but we grow together, learn from each other and mature together. All mentioned above are priceless experience and tales that will be with us forever. At least, I would have some awesome tale to tell my grand kids about their daddy in the future.

Thanks for reading and hope you have lots of awesome tales about your children too. Share them with me if you don't mind.

Second Time In Labour

Took almost a day to deliver my eldest son. Luckily I don't have to go through a C-Section. By the time I got pregnant the second time, it was almost two years apart. Could still remember that day as clearly as my first labour.

It was a Sunday morning, I woke up and felt the pain or maybe the pain woke me up. Since it took so long to deliver my eldest son, I told myself, take my time to prepare myself this time. I woke hubby and my son up and told them it is time to go to the hospital. My son was almost three then. Like any other toddler, at first he fuss around refuse to wake up but when I told him that we need to get to the hospital to get his brother, he jumped up and could not stop asking question.

I brush my teeth, took a shower and even had time to prepare breakfast. I want to make sure my son had a full stomach before we leave the house. Once we reach the hospital the nurse asked me to sit on a wheel chair and wheeled me straight to the labour room. Hubby then took my son to the ground floor to register and make payment.

When I was being wheeled to the labour room, the nurse asked if this was my first child, told them it was my second and that's it. The nurses and the mid-wife in the labour room all started treating me differently. Most of the time I was given that "you should know better" statement assuming I should memorized all the details as to what I should do next like memorizing a text book preparing for a major exam. Luckily the doctor, the same male doctor that delivered my eldest son, still treat me like before.

No wonder most ladies I asked preferred a male doctor to deliver their child as they are more sympathetic than female doctors. Most female doctors, midwife and female nurses get agitated easily during labour and put up that "serves you right, you asked for it" look most of the time. Hahahah, no offense to female nurses and doctors out there.

As far as I could remember, the nurses treated me better the first time around. Anyway, back to my tale, right after hubby had done filling up the necessary forms and made payment, he took my son to see me in the labour ward. By the time they reach my room, the nurse is ready to show them my second son.

My eldest was so excited seeing his brother for the first time and still couldn't stop asking questions. He used to hold my tummy with his two tiny hands and put his ear near and listen. Sometime when the baby moved while his hands are still on my tummy, he would laugh and asked thousands of questions. At last I got him a brother to play with, or should I say fight and argue with as they grow up.

Thanks for reading my tale and hope you have a wonderful day, today and everyday.

Too Matured For Their Age

When I was young, my parents got divorce when I was only six. Dad ran from paying alimony and mum had to work seven days a week to maintain a roof above our head and food on the table. Grandma took care of us but she had never been to school. So I grew up with limited general knowledge. I was asthmatic too, so I had to skip school every time I had an attack.

In school I do not have many friends because other kids think that I am lazy for skipping school so often. I remembered there was once, I was absent during a monthly test and the next day I was allowed to re-sit for the test. I was suppose to spell "helmet" and draw it too. I was already seven then. Had no clue what a helmet was. My fellow classmates look at me like I was from outer space.

Those embarrassing moments are still fresh in my mind. I promise myself, when I have kids, I will jammed pack their brains with general knowledge before they start school.

When my sons were younger, every night we would chat before they sleep. What ever questions they asked I always have an answer for them. Even if I do not know the answer, I would find out and tell them the next day. We would read the encyclopedia when ever we had the time.

One night, my youngest son, around age four then, asked how come when ever I switch off the lights, the room appear to be so dark and later we could see again. I trained them to sleep in the dark since birth. I explained to both of them that there is a small window in our eye called the pupil. It controls the amount of light that can enter the eye to help us see better. It needs time to open or close, so every time when I switch off the lights, we would count to ten and right after that we could see in the dark again.

Told them that it will never be that dark at night because there is always the moonlight and the street light just out side our house. They became more confident and not so scared of the dark.

Few months after that, we went on an annual family trip to the beach. We get to stay in a bungalow by the beach with my in-laws and nieces and nephews. Most of my nieces and nephews were of my sons age.

That night, all adults were busy downstairs preparing for a barbecue and all children were upstairs playing in those four rooms. Most of them were below ten years of age and about nine of them. Suddenly there was a black out. The whole neighborhood was without electricity.

The first thing that cross my mind was the children upstairs. I shouted from downstairs telling everyone not to move and that I am coming to get them. I could hear a few of them running and shouting towards the stairs. Some were crying too. When I found my sons in one of the rooms, my youngest son giggled and said "Why do they have to panic? Don't they know that the pupil in our eye needs time to open for more lights to enter?"

I was a proud mummy that day. Glad to know that all those stories I told them every night does not go to waste. Others always tell me that me children were very matured for their age. I don't find that to be a bad thing. Since most of the facts they would need to know sooner or later, why not sooner.

There was the time when we were all at my sister-in-law's house. My niece had just got a microscope set from Toys'R'us and the children were all taking turns to look at the specimens provided. My eldest son, around the age of eight, took one look and said loudly, "Hey! This looks like a sperm!" My in-laws with their eyes wide open, all look at me. Hey, we do read the encyclopedia and it comes with pictures too.

Where ever I go or do with my boys, even just watching t.v, I would explain to them what it is about, what it is suppose to mean, morally is it right or wrong etc. Children at the age below ten have brains like a sponge. They could absorb more then you think they could. To me, it is better that they learned from me than to learn from their fellow friends of the same age, they might get the wrong message.

Thanks for reading and happy parenting.

Don't Stop Crying

Many years ago when my eldest son was about three years old. He did something that he is not supposed to, I can't remember what it was but I remembered I confiscated those toys that he was playing and he cried. He cried for a good five minutes that sounds like a few hours of whining and sobbing.

Like most mums, I could not stand his cries anymore and asked him to stopped it immediately. He continue to sob for a minute or so then he said, in between sobs " But I sob sob don't sob sob sob know how sob sob."

I wanted to laugh at the way he said it but don't think it is appropriate to do so at that moment, so I smile (laughing out loud in my heart), pick him up and distracted him with something else and after a few seconds, he stopped.

That night, as I was laying in bed, I had a flash back to the time when I was in my early twenties. The phone rang, I pick up and on the other line was the nurse from the nursing home. She called to informed us that my grandma, who had been suffering from cervix cancer, had passed away in her sleep.

The moment I heard that, I had a sense of relief. Glad that her sufferings from pains etc were over. The minute I put down the phone, I felt guilt. Guilty for feeling relief. Guilty of not being able to cry, not sure why.

After I told mum and sis about the news, I pick up the phone and called my boyfriend (hubby now) about the funeral. The moment he picks up the phone and said "Hello" I started to cry non stop. He got worried and kept asking what was wrong. Like my son, in between sobs, I told him about grandma. It was the very first time that I had to talk and cry at the same time. Even after I put down the phone, I still could not stop crying.

After what my son told me about not knowing how to stop crying, well, I don't think I could, either at that moment of grief, what more a three year old boy. So from that day onwards, when ever any of my sons cry, I do not ask them to stop. Just distract them from what they were crying about and they will stop.

Thanks for reading. Just wish to share this with all parents out there. Don't ask your child to stop crying and don't ever tell your sons that boys aren't suppose to cry. Crying is good for children and adults. I am still learning to be a mum and will never stop learning, so let's learn from each other about parenting.

Caught In The Act

When I found out that I was pregnant, for the first time, I start reading and learning about parenting from books, newspaper, old wife's tale from old folks and friends. One frequently asked question about parenting was, should the child sleeps with the parents. This reminds me of a story from my friend. True story that happen to her.

At that point of time, my friend only has a daughter and she had been sleeping with them since birth. One fine night, when both husband and wife was in the mid of doing it, they didn't realize that their little girl, about three years old then, was not sound asleep yet. She saw part of it and went back to sleep.

The next morning she woke up and went and sat on mummy's tummy and went up and down and up and down and asked "Why did daddy play horsey with you so late last night in the dark?" Oh boy! What an embarrassing moment! She went to the office and told all of us. We had a good laugh. I was pregnant then. After her tale, I told myself, no way that my kids were to sleep with me.

So from the day I took my son home from the hospital, I let him sleep in a cot in a separate room. The first year, with my eldest son, my mum was staying with me, so my mum sleeps with him but never in the same bed. I want him to get use to having a bed of his own. By the time he was one, I got him a single size mattress, lay it on the floor without a bed. Training for him to not fall off the bed.

When I got my second child, I added another queen size mattress on the floor next to my eldest son's single bed plus the baby cot by the side. The first few months, I would sleep with both in their room. By the time my second was able to walk, he choose to sleep on the mattress with his brother, in a room of their own. When they get older, I upgraded them to a single bed each but still share the same room.

Every night at bedtime, I would change them into their pyjamas and instead of a bedtime story from the story book, I would switch off the lights, lay down besides them and teach them about facts of life and all those general knowledge that a child should know. They would ask questions, we would joke around and have a few laughs before bed. In my opinion, happy thoughts before bed will come with sweet dreams instead of nightmares. My two sons had never before come running to my room scared and unable to sleep. Unless if one of them were sick, I would sleep in their room to keep an eye on them. So far so good.

Just last month my youngest son, 14 years old now, said he missed those days where we would chat before bed, so I told him maybe we should start doing it again. With school homework and t.v and handphone texting and facebooking, my sons normally do not have so much time for me now a days. Yeah I missed those days too, listening to their funny yet innocent questions and statements.

Those days they were eager to learn from me, like a sponge, now most of the time I would be learning from them. Thanks for reading and happy parenting to you. Any interesting or funny parenting tale to share?

Poison A Child's Mind

In my opinion, it is extremely easy to poison a child's mind. I had witness a mum who influenced her daughter to hate her own mum. She would show a proud smiley face when her teenage daughter talk rudely, talk back loudly and argue with her own mum. She forgot that one day she too, might be a granny to this daughter's children and the same could happen to her too. History could repeat itself as she had brought her up that way.

Then there was this granny who manage to make her grandchildren hate their parents by telling them bad stuffs about their parents. Of course, she only told her side of the story. Once the grand children started hating their own parents, no matter what others said, they would still believe grandma more.

Once on Oprah show, it shows a lady who was abused by her husband. He would beat her up and called her all sorts of terrible names in front of their kids. The sad part was their teenage son, believes that the dad was right and his mum deserve to be punished that way. Brought tears to me while watching that episode. How could an educated teenager unable to differentiate what is right and what is not?

My mum and dad went separate ways when I was only six. My grandma (mum's mum) always reminds me and my sister that no matter what happen, they are still our parents. We should still love and respect them as mum and dad no matter what.

I do not really see eye to eye with my own mum. She was raise as an only child and had a bit of that stingy, selfish, only love herself attitude all a long. So growing up with mum does not make me feel like I had a mum but she is a great provider. She make sure we had every necessity that a child should have. Other than that she does not know how to show her love and affection to me and my sister. We felt the coldness when ever she is around.

Having said that, I never disrespect her as I always felt that even though she does not know how to be a good mum that doesn't mean I should retaliate and be a bad daughter. My sister and I still take good care of her and make sure what ever she wants, if we could fulfill, we would. Even my sons and my sister's children all still respect her as a mum and a granny.

Once a girl, a graduate, told me that she and her mum always behave rudely to her mum's mother. Ask why and she said that when her mum was young, grandma always bully her mum by making her do all the house work while other brothers and sisters go out to play. Hmmm does that sounds like an abuse? On the other hand the grandma told me that this particular daughter had asthma and would always want to keep her at home. Further more, when this daughter was in her early twenties, she was involved with a married man and the man's wife called her up, begging her to send her daughter some where else so that she would stop seeing her husband. That was her second reason for keeping her busy at home, hopping that she had less time to go meet that married man. I am very sure the young graduate does not know of the second part of the story.

So if you see my point, parents or guardian are extremely powerful in influencing a young child's mind. Why teach them to hate someone when sooner or later the truth might surface and in return they might hate you more. Why not just teach them to love others unconditionally and make this world a better place to live in. I always tell my son this : when someone slapped you that is a bad person, report that person to an authority, but when you slapped back, it makes you equally bad. Does retaliation solve problems? No! It just make it worst.

Thanks for reading and hope we could all make this world a better place and a happier one too.

That's Amazing!

Those days when I was younger and single, when ever friends or relatives with young children tell me stories about their kids, they always sound excited and proud and almost can't believe that their kids know how to do certain things or pronounce certain words. I always finds it ridiculous as I think that kids at that certain age are suppose to know those stuffs or say does words but their parents make it sound like their kids are so smart and a genius too.

When I became a mum, I too, kinda fall on the categories above. Watching my infant who only knew how to sleep, eat and cry grows into an adorable toddler that are now more aware of his surroudings and continuously learning and imitating daddy and mummy, is indeed AMAZING!

I remembered my eldest son's first word was 'tiger'. When I potty train him, in order for him to sit still, I bought him quite a lot of tiny hard cover picture books. Just the right size for his tiny hands. When he flip the page I would point out to him and tell him the names of those pictures shown on that page. We have books about food, animals, birds, vegetables etc almost the whole set. Guess he finds 'tiger' to be the easiest to pronoun.

So sometime during lunch with my fellow colleagues in the office, I would tell them stuffs about my kids and those who are single will give me that 'what's so amazing about that?' look, like how I look at others when I was younger.

Well, folks with kids should hang out with other folks who have kids. Those who don't will never understand our feelings for our pride and joy. Same goes to those animal lovers and pet owners. Those who hate pets will never understand why we love our pets so much and how adorable our pets are.

Thanks for reading and hope your children and / or pets will never stop amusing and amaze you just like how my 2 teenage sons and 5 year old pet rabbits still do.

Hilarious journey of pregnancy

Due to my miscarriage (my 1st pregnancy) I was extra careful the second time when I got pregnant. My mum was staying with me that time. Everyone treated me like a queen. Kinda missed those days, hah hah hah.

Hubby would drive me to work right up to the door step. Fellow colleagues would treat me extra nice. Anything heavy, or they think should be heavy for me, I don't have to lift, not even a small file. At home, mum would serve me. All I have to do, after I came home from work, is to take my bath and sit in front of the t.v.

Boy, was I pampered, but little did I realize it was the biggest mistake ever. Due to lack of exercise / movement, I had to wait very long to get my baby out, during labour.

On the eve of my due date, I was watching t.v until 12.00 mid-night because I find it quite uncomfortable to sleep by the time I reach the 9th month of my pregnancy. Right after the show was over, I went to the bathroom to pee before I go to bed, like usual. When I got up and was ready to go to bed, I felt I had just wet my pants, so I went back to the bathroom thinking that maybe I could not control my bladder that well now. Silly me, I went to and fro to the bathroom several times before I told hubby what happen. Then my mum said that my water bag had broke.

I had read quite a number of books on pregnancy and labour but little did I expected it to be like this. Mum put few layers of towel in the car for me to sit in case I might wet the car. I took my packed bag and off to the hospital. It was midnight, so no traffic, smooth driving all the way, hubby drive of course.

The nurses put me in a "waiting for labour" room. I stayed there up to almost morning and still no labour pain. The doctor decided to induce me. That was when the pains starts. I was also given a pain killer jab, which is of no use at all. Then the nurse ask if I would like to use the gas. I did, uncountable times, made me drowsy but the pain was still there, no doubt.

That morning the midwife gave me a vitamin pill and half a glass of water. Soon after that a lady came in asking what I would like for breakfast, I told her, too painful to eat. Then came lunch, follow by dinner too. I didn't eat at all. I had never gone without food for so long. I felt I had been laying there in pain for years.

Hubby already mentioned that he doesn't want to be in the labour room when the baby arrived and my mum said it is best not to force him as not everyone could take it. He did pop in to check on me from time to time. Every time when he pops in, I felt the pain to be more painful than when I was alone in the room. Is it just me or do you all felt the same?

There was a time when he walk in and I was in great pain, I griped hold of the side steel bar of the bed and almost bend it. He had never seen me in such a manner before. Straight away he told me that it is alright to have only one child. I did mentioned to him, before this, that I wanted 2 children no matter what.

Then, the moment we all had been waiting for, had arrived. The midwifes put a plastic sheet on my tummy. I was asked to push as hard as I could. Boy, I was already exhausted trying to combat those horrible pains and now they want me to push? I was so numb and drowsy I could feel nothing from waist down but was a good girl and did push with all my strength. Once he was out, the midwifes put him on my tummy. They cleaned him right there, on the plastic mat, on my tummy. The nurse wrote my name on a plastic tag and place it round his little ankle.

The next day, very early in the morning, a nurse woke me up, telling me it is high time to try to breast feed. I walk slowly to the nursery room and before I enter the room I thought I have a look at all the babies there, to my surprise, I could not recognize which was my son. Oh boy, this is embarrassing. I walk into the nursery room, a nurse asked for my name, due to security wise, the nurses there will only release the baby with the name tag, same as the one I was wearing, bearing my name.

During breast feeding, I had a good look at him. Oh boy, I had better be able to point him out later when friends and relatives starts visiting. What an experienced, such a miracle and a hilarious journey too, as for me. Don't mind going through the whole journey again, minus the pain, of course. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy reading it too.

Learn to let go

I find most parents now a days, finds it hard to let go of their children. This reminds me of a true story of someone I met during my nine to five job. We have fresh graduates joining us every year. One of them was this particular girl, in her late twenties. She has a very unique way of interacting with others (meant to say weird actually, ha ha ha).

Then I found out that every morning her aged parents, both mum and dad, by the look of their wrinkles and lines on their faces, they look like they were in their late 60s, send her to work everyday. They would drive to the doorstep, stopped the car and watch her disappeared into the lift. If so happen the lift didn't reach that floor in time, the parents would sit in the car and wait until she gets into one. Sometime I saw her waving her hands with an agitated face signaling to her parents to leave as their car is blocking the narrow driveway. Could you imagine those cars lining up behind, waiting to drop their love ones off to work.

Every evening, without fail, both her parents would park their car nearby and sit in the car waiting patiently for their daughter. Regardless of what time she will be off. She only has a brother, so that makes her the only daughter at home.

She told us that when ever she needs new clothes, shoes or bags, she would go shopping with her parents. Hardly hear her hanging out with friends or office colleagues. Guess the only time when her parents were not around her was during her lunch break at the office. She would have lunch with us all. The time when I resigned, she was already in her early 30s and I could still see her parents sending and fetching her to and fro from the office.

I wonder how is she going to get a boy friend when her parents hang around her at all times. I am astonished as these type of parenting still exist. They think that kids are like pets, keep them around for as long as possible. They forgot that kids will grow to be adults. Children need to learn those survival skills from young. Skills on how to take care of themselves when mummy and daddy is not around. These skills will help them a lot when they become adults.

Thanks for reading and happy parenting. Teach your kids those survival skills early as it is a jungle out there, if you know what I mean.

How I got my sons

After the miscarriage, if you had read my previous post about my first pregnancy, I was pretty upset for the first few months. Kept thinking what was wrong with me. What have I done or didn't do enough or something that I ought to do. In between those few months, I consulted several other doctors and Chinese physicians to find out if I have a healthy womb. I was told, all the time, that I was perfectly healthy and should be able to conceive.

Before I was pregnant with my first, mum came across a lovely cross-stitch kid, a picture of a sweet baby sleeping and was covered with a blanket. She knew I love cross-stitch and got it for me. It took me only about a month to completed it, got it framed and hung it in my supposedly baby room.

After the miscarriage, quite a number of relatives, friends and colleagues came and visited me and one of them saw the picture of the baby in the room and said it could be bad omen. I am not really superstitious but since she mentioned it, at a time of grieve, I began to hate that picture. Every time I pass by that room, the picture upsets me, so I gave it away.

I was told by my gynae to wait at least six months before I try again. By the fourth month, I told myself, these grieves had gotta stop. I have to move on. In order to keep my mind busy I bought myself two more cross-stitch kits. This time, a picture of a cute chubby boy climbing a tree trying to rescue a kitten and another piece, a boy sitting on a swing. Took me only about a month to completed both. Got it framed and this time I hung it in the living room so that every night when I come home from work, I can get to look at it. It makes me happy and feels like there is hope.

You can call it fung shui, good luck charm, fated, law of attraction or even just a mere coincident. I really end up having two lovely sons. They are in their teens now. Maybe because I had been thinking and wanting two boys so badly that it became real and I am thankful and grateful about it.

Moral of the story here is never to give up hope. Keep trying, pray hard, do what you think you should do to get to where you are, and you will eventually get there. Thanks for reading and hope this inspires others. Just don't give up.

My first pregnancy

A few months after I got married, I found out I was pregnant. So happy that I told the whole world about it. Mum says she only consulted the gynaecology after her third month of pregnancy. So I thought I do the same.

On the third month, I went for my first check-up. The doctor told me that she can't find a heart beat. She says maybe it was still too early and ask me to come back a week later. I did and there was still no heart beat. I went to consult another few doctors, same result. It seems that there is nothing they could do. The fourth doctor told me that this is quite common these days. I could either wait for the womb to reject it or they can get it out for me.

I, hopping for a miracle , told him I will wait. The very next morning I woke up and found stains. So, it is time, I guess this is the end of this pregnancy. Hubby admit me to the hospital. The doctor explain to us what they were going to do. I listen but not really paying attention. I didn't cry at that time but felt like my whole world had just crushed into pieces.

I was asked to change into the hospital clothes, that thin piece of cloth. I remember the nurse took me to the operation room. I was asked to sit outside of that room and wait. It was extremely cold in there. I could hear my teeth clutter, not sure because of fear or was it too cold for me. A while later another nurse took me into that huge bright scary room (for me it was). Nurses and doctors all around and I was asked to lay down on that bed, that steel cold bed that reminds me of those shows from CSI. A guy was holding my hand, rub it and injected me and start asking my name and a bunch of stuffs that before I could answer all I was knock out.

Later I could hear a nurse calling my name and gave me a push on my shoulder telling me that it is all over now. I could hear her and could feel that they are transferring me to another bed and wheeling me to a room. I could also hear her telling hubby that everything was fine and to let me sleep for a while but I just can't open my eyes nor speak. The whole process took only few hours.

From the time I found out there was no heart beat till the whole procedure of ending the pregnancy, I didn't cry. Only starts crying after I reach home. Every single stuffs that reminds me of baby will bring a tear to me. I remembered hubby had to hide every single stuffs that we bought in preparation for the baby.

I thought I would share this experience with everyone, maybe you could learn a thing or two. Anyway, just like what one of my colleague told me, remember the message on the ATM machine when you accidentally keyed in the wrong pin? Your ATM card will be rejected and the message on the screen is "Please insert and try again". I had a good laugh and did try again and I have two lovely sons now in their teens.

Thanks for reading and if you ever encounter a miscarriage (hope not, touch wood), no worry, just try again.

Who do you love more?

Just a few weeks ago, my 16 year old son told me about one of his classmate who was very unhappy lately. She felt that her parents love her elder brother and sister more. They pay more attention to them than to her, and she being the youngest, felt neglected.

Me and my two sons were in the same room during this conversation. My 13 year old son asked me, who do I love more. Before I could say anything, my 16 year old snap at him jokingly and said, "Me obviously! I am the eldest, remember? So don't be jealous." I looked at my 13 year old and said, "Yes, it is obvious, right? He was born 3 years before you. I have no choice but to love him 3 years more than you." And we all end up laughing.

But seriously, there are parents out there who favor one child over the other. Some shows it to the world and some didn't even realize it is happening. At times when parents have more than 1 child to look after plus a demanding job in the office etc, it is quite difficult to divide oneself into so many, at the same time pay equal attention to everyone.

Wonder if those parents who do favor one child over the other, was it something that the child did or something happened, like my friend in my previous post, that makes parents pay more attention to that particular child.

Most Chinese parents on the other hand do show that they favor sons over daughters. They think having daughters are a waste of time and money. Once they get married, they become part of the spouse family, no longer their family member. Hmmm , really?

Indirectly all these will lead to sibling rivalry and that is unhealthy. They will start to grow apart. Then what's the point of getting married and stating a family if all it's members will grow apart in the future.

Guess we as parents should evaluate our parenting skills from time to time and the best person to do that for us is our children. Listen when they argue, watch out for sign, they will indirectly let us know how we fare.

Thanks for reading and hope you love them all equally, be it your children, your parents, your siblings, your pets or even your plants.