May 23, 2011

Don't Stop Crying

Many years ago when my eldest son was about three years old. He did something that he is not supposed to, I can't remember what it was but I remembered I confiscated those toys that he was playing and he cried. He cried for a good five minutes that sounds like a few hours of whining and sobbing.

Like most mums, I could not stand his cries anymore and asked him to stopped it immediately. He continue to sob for a minute or so then he said, in between sobs " But I sob sob don't sob sob sob know how sob sob."

I wanted to laugh at the way he said it but don't think it is appropriate to do so at that moment, so I smile (laughing out loud in my heart), pick him up and distracted him with something else and after a few seconds, he stopped.

That night, as I was laying in bed, I had a flash back to the time when I was in my early twenties. The phone rang, I pick up and on the other line was the nurse from the nursing home. She called to informed us that my grandma, who had been suffering from cervix cancer, had passed away in her sleep.

The moment I heard that, I had a sense of relief. Glad that her sufferings from pains etc were over. The minute I put down the phone, I felt guilt. Guilty for feeling relief. Guilty of not being able to cry, not sure why.

After I told mum and sis about the news, I pick up the phone and called my boyfriend (hubby now) about the funeral. The moment he picks up the phone and said "Hello" I started to cry non stop. He got worried and kept asking what was wrong. Like my son, in between sobs, I told him about grandma. It was the very first time that I had to talk and cry at the same time. Even after I put down the phone, I still could not stop crying.

After what my son told me about not knowing how to stop crying, well, I don't think I could, either at that moment of grief, what more a three year old boy. So from that day onwards, when ever any of my sons cry, I do not ask them to stop. Just distract them from what they were crying about and they will stop.

Thanks for reading. Just wish to share this with all parents out there. Don't ask your child to stop crying and don't ever tell your sons that boys aren't suppose to cry. Crying is good for children and adults. I am still learning to be a mum and will never stop learning, so let's learn from each other about parenting.


convert girl said...

hi aries... it's true, let's cry...!! crying relieves stress..

I have a friend who can't cry, no matter how hurt or stress she is. I feel sorry for her as she kept telling me how nice it is if she can cry

I'm a full-time mummy said...

Hey Aries!

Yeah I don't stop my boy from crying, let him vent out his frustration and I ill then distract or talk gently to him explaining why he should not be doing so and so.

Telling them to stop crying is just going to make them confused and hold up their feelings.

Thanks for sharing your story!

baili said...

after i got married,i cried for years
mostly it was because of being parted from my mom and dearest village,

when i think behalf of my husband i find it so unfair and boring but heads of to him that he beard it for years but never complained,even he brought my mom and sis here to stay with me for years and when they went back he kept me visiting to my village thrice in year until my kids grow and start school,

then i realized and decided to grow up,

i think creator put that system in us to drain the stress anger and sadness,
god bless aries


Cee said...

Thanks for sharing your story... If ever God would bless me with a son, I will never tell him that boys don't cry... It's like I'm telling him to stop being human. I cry too easily. And it somehow relieves hurtful feelings.

Aries said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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