February 7, 2012

Bonsai Child

I find more and more Malaysian are preventing their children from growing, mentally, like my Bonsai, for ever a small potted plant even though it look like an old aged tree. Maybe most have forgotten or didn't know that parents responsibility is to make sure their children grow up to be an able person, a good citizen, a person who could take care of oneself and an independent individual who can stand on his own two feet whether they are born normal or with disability.

Last month a new student of mine, aged 15 told me that he doesn't know his house address. Asked if he had just moved in , he said he had been staying there for about two years. I find this disturbing. When a 15 year old tells you he does not know his house address, it is not cute.

Then there are parents who are extremely afraid seeing their children get upset. The minute the child complains that the school teacher or a class-mate upsets him, parents would marched to school and asked for a change of class or school before even finding out more.

A relative of mine, two of his children weren't doing so good in school academically came and complain to me that the Malaysian school syllabus is terrible, more result orientated and most subjects are so tough etc but than how come every year so many of my other nieces,nephews and other Malaysians managed to score straight A's. He didn't realize that indirectly he is telling his children that when you don't get good grades in school it is totally the school and the government's fault, not theirs at all.

Just because their children are unhappy about certain things, it might not be entirely the fault of others. Just like a Chinese old saying "The mother hen should teach its chickens to avoid or deal with the hawk and not asked the hawk to stop attacking its chickens"

I wonder how long will these children stay this way. How long can a parent protect his / her children? 24 hours a day? 7 days a week? When will they be given a chance to grow up?

When my sons complains about something I would sit down and listen then I would suggest a few ways / things that he can do the next time when the same thing happens again but don't expect me to solve it for him. I always tell my sons that I can only act as an adviser but they have to face the music when things went wrong or doesn't go their way. These are important survival skills that, in my opinion, every child should learn.

Teaching my sons how to fall and then get up on their own is the most important lesson I could provide. Not hold their hands and make sure they never fall. Our children will someday grow up and be someone's spouse, parents, co-worker, manager, bosses etc. Since sooner or later he / she would need to grow up why not start now.

Just something that I find important to share with all. Thanks for reading and I hope you do not over-protected your child.


cheerfulnuts said...

I'm not yet a parent, but I agree with your post.:) Yeah, a lot of parents no longer teach their kids to act more "grown-up". It may be hard to see your kid fail, but sometimes, parents have to bite their lip and let them stand up on their own. Having said that, it's still important to let your kids know that you will always be at their back, supporting them.

Aries said...

Couldn't agree more, cheerfulnuts

convert girl said...

Aries, thanks for your input. i will always remember your "Mother hen and the Hawks". It has helped me in dealing with my daughters. She still get hit by few teachers at her school but I just let it be as long as it's not beatings, just slaps on her hands with rulers or dusters. I can see that she doesn't cry or get scared by the hits anymore, she is a stronger girl now. My heart still aches though when i heard about her days at school but I just have to practice "tough love"

Great-Granny Grandma said...

A very wise post. Sounds like you were/are an awesme mum.

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